dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
