im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
