3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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