I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
