she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
