So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
