I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we're so committed to being not committed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
