I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
