weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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