Hey man sorry I got all grabby
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
