Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
