youre lurking in front of me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
