my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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