Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
