Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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