Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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