I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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