I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
