I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
