Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
