when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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