Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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