Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
