I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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