I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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