Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
