You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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