WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
