How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
