I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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