Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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