i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize