Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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