i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
