Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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