I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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