I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
