Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
