I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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