what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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