Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
