you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
