@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Semen is not good for contacts.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
