In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
