lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This baby is an asshole
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
