Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish you could order shots online.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
