I'm eating all of the evidence.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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