I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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