I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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