It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
