I want to walk on stilts...naked
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
