I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
