dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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