The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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