The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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