i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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