I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
