Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
