dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize