I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
